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David Herman<\/a><\/p>\n 29 October, 2018<\/p>\n This has been an extraordinary autumn for books about the havoc bad fathers wreak on their children. It is hard to know which father comes out worst: Saul Bellow in Zachary Leader\u2019s excellent biography, Jonathan Miller in William Miller\u2019s dark book about his childhood, or Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, in his daughter\u2019s memoir, Small Fry<\/em>. <\/p>\n What is perhaps most interesting is how many ways men find to be bad fathers \u2014 critical, neglectful, in some cases, just plain mean. \u201cWhen with his sons,\u201d writes Leader, \u201che [Bellow] did not hide his anger or irritation.\u201d When one of his sons phoned to congratulate him on winning the Nobel Prize, Bellow simply said, \u201cNow you know why I was after you to be quiet 30 years ago.\u201d The backlash was inevitable. Already, when he was 16, Bellow\u2019s eldest son, Gregory, wrote his father a \u201cscathing letter\u201d accusing him of not keeping up with his alimony payments. Fifty years later, in his memoir, Gregory wrote how his father\u2019s reply was typical, \u201csubscribing to his self-justification that his career as an artist enabled him to let people down with impunity\u201d. Another son, Daniel, wrote to his father, \u201cI\u2019ve been a better son to you than you deserve.\u201d Leader tries not to take sides but by the end the stage is like King Lear<\/em>, with corpses everywhere. <\/p>\n Jonathan Miller comes across as a very different kind of father. Like Bellow he is very talented: a brilliant comedy performer, television presenter and raconteur, one of the most acclaimed theatre, opera and television directors of his time, and a fascinating intellectual, fluent on subjects from the madness of George III to early 20th-century neurology. <\/p>\n Yet the picture that emerges in his son\u2019s memoir, Gloucester Crescent: Me, My Dad and Other Grown-Ups<\/em>, is desperately sad. Early on William, Jonathan\u2019s middle son, writes, \u201cMuch of the time he\u2019s far too busy with work and his big ideas to think about family life and leaves Mum to deal with all that.\u201d Lots of the famous fathers on the Camden Town street are like this, William writes. An American friend of his parents says, \u201cThe dads live on Planet-Do-I-Give-A-Shit.\u201d They engage in what William calls \u201ccompetitive typing\u201d, sitting at desks looking out over the gardens of Gloucester Crescent, as the plays, books and reviews pour forth. Others are slow, hesitant. \u201cMum says these are the \u2018tortured ones\u2019, which I was a bit worried about because I think Dad might be one of those.\u201d <\/p>\n William soon learns that his father is tormented by insecurity and depression. \u201cI\u2019ve heard him tell Mum that, whenever he can\u2019t think of anything to write and hates the work he\u2019s doing, he says the best way out of it would be to kill himself.\u201d He describes his father\u2019s attempt to write a book on Marshall McLuhan: \u201cHe would come down to the kitchen and read what he\u2019d written to Mum, then walk off screwing the bits of paper up and throwing them on the floor, saying, \u2018It\u2019s all hopeless\u2019.\u201d <\/p>\n There\u2019s another side to these dark moods: Miller the performer who needs to be at the centre of everyone\u2019s attention. \u201cWhat he really wants,\u201d writes William, \u201cis a family who, if they can\u2019t talk about something intelligent, sit in silence and let him do the talking so he can lecture about Charles Darwin.\u201d The best story in the book describes a visit by Miller\u2019s schoolfriend, Oliver Sacks, who, like Miller, had a stammer. \u201cIf Oliver is trying to make a point and gets stuck on a word, Dad goes straight in there and talks over him with his own theory. I once saw Oliver get so frustrated with this sort of situation that he twisted one of Mum\u2019s silver spoons under the table as he stuttered until it looked like a corkscrew.\u201d<\/p>\n His famous father is often critical. William doesn\u2019t read enough and when he does find a book he likes, his father tells him he should be reading something better. He tries hard to please his father, taking science A Levels when he has no aptitude for science at all. It doesn\u2019t end well. Even now, in his fifties, he knows his book won\u2019t be good enough for his father. He recently told an interviewer that he thought his father would never read it. I feel sure he\u2019s right. <\/p>\n One feels some sympathy for Jonathan Miller. It is hard to feel any for Steve Jobs in his daughter\u2019s memoir, Small Fry<\/em>. He and her mother were high school sweethearts. She became pregnant and had the child. \u201cMy father,\u201d writes Lisa Brennan-Jobs, \u201cdidn\u2019t visit or help with child support.\u201d This was early on in his\u00a0 career. More extraordinary are the stories of his meanness when he becomes the CEO of Apple. There are jaw-dropping moments when, having fallen out with his daughter, he won\u2019t help out with her payments at Harvard and she is rescued by their next-door neighbours.<\/p>\n Much worse than the stinginess are the stories of his casual cruelty, humiliating waitresses, his daughter\u2019s friends and worst of all, Lisa herself. \u201c\u2018What\u2019s wrong with you?\u2019\u201d he asks Lisa\u2019s cousin. \u201cWhat was wrong with her? Why did she miss social cues? \u2018You can\u2019t even talk,\u2019 he said. \u2018You can\u2019t even eat. You\u2019re eating shit.\u2019\u201d Who demolishes a young person like this? <\/p>\n Lisa asks if his early computer was named after her. He must have known how much this would mean to a young schoolgirl. \u201c\u2018Nope.\u2019 His voice was clipped, dismissive.\u201d Nothing she does at school is good enough. When she wins a prize at the school debating club he says, \u201cBetter to debate in real life. The club\u2019s kind of lame.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n The stories these children tell are desperately sad. It is hard to imagine how they emerged from their fathers\u2019 shadows.<\/p>\n <\/i><\/a><\/i><\/a><\/i><\/a><\/i><\/a><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n\n
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William Miller and Lisa Brennan-Jobs: Survivors of \u201cPlanet-Do-I-Give-A-Shit\u201d (William Miller photo <\/em><\/strong>\u00a9the publisher<\/em><\/strong>. Lisa Brennan-Jobs photo \u00a9BRIGITTE LACOMBE)<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/h3>\n
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Monuments and men<\/a><\/p>\nWhat to read next<\/h6>\n
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